My gut was right all along – my dad is not my biological father.
Ten years ago, I found out that I had a different biological father than the man who’d raised me. I was 26 and in shock. Despite having always sensed a different biological tie, I wanted a paternity test the moment I hung up the phone with my mom.
When I found out I had a different biological dad, I had no idea what to do. I figured the first step should include a paternity test. As much as I’d guessed this all along, simply hearing that there was even a question of who my father might be was just enough to get the wheels of gut-instinct spinning.
Over the past few years, as I came to terms with the complicated feelings associated with this situation, I realized there was nothing out there covering the topic of non-paternity events. There weren’t any materials out there for people who learned they had a different biological father until later in life (usually the result of an affair, and now through the recent simplicity and convenience of DNA testing).
There was no place to go that would lead me to the other ‘one out of ten’ folks that shared my situation, and wondering what to do next. How do I get from the point of ‘finding out’ to ‘being in a good place with a healthy perspective’? There certainly weren’t easy and affordable options to obtain paternity testing kits at the time.
Thankfully, the dad who raised me was aware of this question of paternity. Having secretly anticipated this conversation with me for 26 years, he was able to share a candid and heartfelt story of how I came to be. This story also confirmed the paternity in question – the dad who raised me and was selfless enough to share this story was not my biological father. That was a sad afternoon for me.
Admittedly, the news of the paternity discovery was also incredibly validating. Finally, I had the truth and it aligned with precisely what my gut had been nudging me towards my entire life. However, the news of learning I had a different biological father conjured up many other feelings.
So, last summer a friend and I created a website. Like me, my friend had learned he had a different biological father when he was in his 20s. And like me, he understood the complexity of feelings and emotions one deals with when going through this. We wanted to provide a forum and support for those of us who might like a place to go, just for us.
Aboutmydnadad.com
This site was created for people who are a result of a ‘non-paternity event’, but weren’t made aware of it until later in life; thereby growing up with a ‘Dad’ that wasn’t their biological ‘Father’. Mydnadad.com is for the millions of children who grew up believing in a reality that simply wasn’t, the families impacted by non-paternity events, and the wide expanse of resulting feelings that range from deep betrayal to curious anticipation.
When we were searching (independently) for our own personal answers, we quickly realized that there was nothing out there dedicated to this topic. We joined forces and decided to create this forum in an effort to help us and others deal with the complicated feelings associated with this situation. We also wondered if there were others like us out there who might be interested in talking about this issue with people who were going through the same thing. We felt that it was time to create awareness about non-paternity events and to share the message with parents that it does more harm than good to keep this event a secret, even in cases of infidelity. The issue is significant because it not only affects the child, but it affects each member of both families with which the biological father is involved.
Mydnadad.com is designed to share personal experiences and to provide a place to find some answers. Additionally, we hope to raise awareness in the general public about the ‘secret’ issue related to biological offspring. Parents may be surprised at how little they understand their child’s perspectives, including how deeply painful it can be, not to mention the potential long-term psychological effects associated with growing up not knowing the truth.
We didn’t create this site to tell anyone what’s right or wrong, nor do we profess to have simple answers to how to solve the issues that arise from this bio/social situation. We’re just here, so that you-unlike us when we found out-have someone to talk to who might understand precisely what you’re going through. We’ve been there-and so have millions of others.
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