A Paternity Test says I’m the Father: 3 Key Ways to Establish a Fatherhood Relationship

by HOMEDNA on 05/24/2021

Participating in a paternity test can be a stressful event in any man’s life, especially since the results have the potential to be so intensely life-changing.

Paternity test results may be the impetus to creating a new family or it can make an existing family stronger by confirming a biological relationship. Ultimately, when a paternity test establishes you are the father, whether you deal with this knowledge negatively or positively is up to you. Just remember, there’s a child involved and their needs matter just as much as yours.

There are many important benefits to establishing legal paternity, whether your child is still a minor or if they’ve become an adult. But psychologists are quick to assert that the emotional benefits of a healthy relationship between father and child are equally critical. If fatherhood is a new role for you, here are three ways you can establish and nurture those ties.

1. Invest Time and Attention

Showing up now and then just doesn’t cut it. A father needs to first invest time and attention with children in order for trust to be established (Joseph,Strain). When a child is old enough to talk and understand , it’s unwise to just say you’re their new parent and so you expect them to obey or respect you. Start slowly. If you don’t live in the child’s home, devote time on the weekends and whenever else you can to actively engage and spend time with them: reading stories, going to the park, watching TV, playing games, talking.

 Studies consistently show that ‘part-time dads’ who come in and out of a child’s life can do more harm than good. In fact, children report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not consistently involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing (Kruk). Make the time to be there for them consistently.

 Even if there are times when your child doesn’t want to be with you, give them space, but don’t give up.

Fathers play a hugely important role in the mental health of their children much later in life. ~Melanie Mallers, Professor of Psychology (Cal State University)

2. Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Unfortunately, you may live far away from your child or you may only have limited contact while establishing legal paternity in the court system. Don’t be discouraged! You can still keep the lines of communication open when you can’t be together in person. Be sure to:

  • Make phone calls
  • Send emails
  • Talk face-to-face using FaceTime or Skype
  • Send cards, postcards, and letters

Never allow the child to believe that you are not thinking of them on a daily basis (Meyer).

3. Respect your Child’s Mother

This tip is hugely important when establishing a paternal relationship with a child of any age, and is even more important when the child is a teen or if the paternity test determined you are the father of a child who is now an adult .

At first, you may be considered an ‘outsider’ in the established parental relationship of mother and child. If you speak ill of Mom or accuse her of being the reason you’ve never been in their life, your son or daughter is placed in the position of having to defend Mom and it can backfire. On the other hand, if you express your respect for all she’s done in raising such a great kid, that positive attitude goes a long way toward creating trust.

Even if you think your ex has wanted to perpetuate estrangement between you and your child, honestly acknowledge ways you may also have contributed to not having had a relationship all these years (Coleman). This takes humility, but kids are smart and they respect honesty.

The Bottom Line

Melanie Mailers, a professor in psychology at Cal State University says this: “Fathers play a hugely important role in the mental health of their children much later in life. They have a unique style of interacting with their children and men who report having had a good relationship with their father during childhood were found to be better at dealing with stress” (Kemp).

 If your paternity test results indicate you are the father, embrace this new direction in your life. Fatherhood is one of the greatest gifts a man can enjoy, so don’t let it pass you by.

Can you think of other good ways fathers can develop relationships with their children? Let us know in the comments below.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our  Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri  from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center. 

RESOURCES

Coleman, Joshua, PhD. “How Parents Can Start to Reconcile with Estranged Kids.” Greater Good. The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, 25 Aug. 2010. Web. 05 Nov. 2015. <http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_parents_can_start_to_reconcile_with_their_kids>.

 Joseph, Gail E., PhD, and Phillip S. Strain, PhD. “Building Positive Relationships with Parents of Young Children.” The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (2012): n. pag.Vanderbilt.edu/csefel. Vanderbilt University, 1 Feb. 2010. Web. 5 Nov. 2015. <http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/modules/module1/handout5.pdf>.

 Kemp, Rob. “The Importance of Father-child Bonding | The National.” The Importance of Father-child Bonding | The National. Abu Dhabi Media, 8 Feb. 2011. Web. 05 Nov. 2015. <http://www.thenational.ae/lifestyle/family/the-importance-of-father-child-bonding>.

 Kruk, Edward, PhD. “Father Absence, Father Deficit, Father Hunger.”Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC., 23 May 2012. Web. 05 Nov. 2015. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201205/father-absence-father-deficit-father-hunger>.

 Meyer, Cathy. “Tips to Help Restore Your Relationship With Your Child/Children.” About.com Dating & Relationships. About.com, n.d. Web. 05 Nov. 2015. <http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/meetingyourchildsneeds/qt/restore_rel.htm>.

paternity fraud

Paternity Fraud: Answers to your Questions

by HOMEDNA on 04/12/2021

We sometimes receive inquiries from customers questioning if it’s possible for one participant in a paternity test to switch samples, either with themselves or someone else, or if they could have changed the DNA somehow by eating before collecting DNA. If this happens to you, it is considered paternity fraud, and you may not get the accurate results you are looking for. Here are some sample scenarios.

Paternity Fraud: Mom submits her DNA as the alleged father’s

One question we encountered recently was a concerned possible father who thought maybe the mother of the child could have swabbed herself in his place to force the results to show not excluded, meaning he is considered to be the biological father.

In all paternity testing cases our laboratory also includes the amelogenin gene to verify the sex of all participants. This helps to verify the alleged father being tested is male and the mother is female. We can also verify the sex of the child. This means mom could not swab herself and submit her sample as the alleged father without our laboratory experts discovering that. If this does occur we  place the paternity test on hold and contact the participants to ask them to re-swab the correct participants.

Another sign that the mother swabbed in the alleged father’s place would be the mother and father would show as identical DNA, which is not possible. This would also be a red flag and cause the paternity testing to come to a stop. When testing is suspended, participants are contacted and asked for new samples.

Paternity Fraud: Switching samples with someone else

Another question we sometimes get asked is whether the alleged father could have switched his own samples with someone else. If you purchase the home DNA collection kit for paternity testing purposes, the results you receive are not court admissible. This is because the laboratory cannot verify whose samples they have actually received. If the participants do not collect the samples together and mail them off together, there is always a risk that someone could switch their samples with someone else.

If you are in a situation where you doubt the reliability of the other person to be honest about submitting their own sample, we always recommend a legal paternity test collection. To prevent any doubt of someone committing paternity fraud, all participants should go to a third-party collection facility to have their DNA collected by an approved witness. This collector verifies ID and take photos of each participant. The collector then sends the samples to the lab for testing to establish a chain-of-custody to verify samples could not have been tampered with.

Paternity Fraud: Eating or drinking before DNA collection

Another question we get is whether someone can alter their DNA by eating or drinking something before they swab their mouth. The answer is no. You cannot alter your DNA by putting anything in your mouth. If you have had a bone marrow transplant recently, that affect results. Anything like that should be discussed with the facility doing the paternity testing.

We do ask that you don’t eat or drink anything for about an hour before collecting the DNA samples, to keep food or anything else off the swabs. Eating or drinking before the collection can cause remnants to get on the swab with the DNA. The worst this will do is create a situation where we can’t get a profile at all. If a profile is obtained, then the food or drink did nothing. If we can’t get a profile, we ask for a recollection at no charge.

Read more about DNA test fraud situations and other paternity test questions.

The Bottom Line

When doing an at-home paternity test for peace-of-mind purposes, we highly recommend that all participants watch each other collect DNA samples, put them in envelopes, and then go together to the post office to drop them off. If that’s not possible or if you suspect that one of the participants may want to commit a fraudulent act, then do the wise thing: Pay a little extra for a legal paternity test from our parent company, DNA Diagnostics Center (DDC) and have the whole process supervised by an approved witness. Results are  court-admissible too!

Buy a home paternity test kit

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Paternity issues when unmarried parents split up

Paternity Issues: When Unmarried Parents Split Up

by HOMEDNA on 03/29/2021

You and your partner have welcomed a sweet little baby into the world. You’re busy changing diapers and arranging schedules and figuring out the ins and outs of daily life that all new parents face.

In the middle of the hustle and bustle and sleep deprivation, probably the last thing on your mind is the thought that the two of you might split up someday.

You haven’t married, but that’s not really necessary nowadays, right? When it was just the two of you, probably not. But now that you have a little one, it’s important to know what happens when unmarried parents split up and what the paternity laws are both at the federal level and in your state.

Establishing Paternity Rights: Taking Care of Business

 In most states, when parents break up, the mother is presumed to have the primary (natural) right to custody of children born when she isn’t married (Clarke). In fact, the court often gives sole physical and legal custody to the mother (Saukas).

A biological father who has established legal paternity has substantially more say over custody and care of a child than one who has not.

If an unmarried father hasn’t yet made his paternity legal, he should do so immediately by signing a voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity Affidavit and take steps to have his name added to the child’s birth certificate.

You can find out how to do this where you live by visiting the National Center for Health Statistics and clicking on your state.

Paternity in Question: Not Sure You’re the Father?

If the father has any doubts about whether or not he is the biological father of the child, he may want to request a legal paternity test. He should make sure to do so before signing the Acknowledgement of Paternity Affidavit and/or being listed on the birth certificate.

If the mother doesn’t agree to a paternity test, she may be compelled to do so by the courts. Once a man signs the affidavit or birth certificate, he may be liable for child support until the child is an adult, even if a later paternity test shows he is not the father (Padawer).

READ MORE ABOUT PATERNITY FRAUD

 In many states, there is a fairly short statute of limitations for challenging paternity. This is generally done to protect the child’s right to be supported by the people they consider parents. Keep in mind that if a man is named on the birth certificate but later wants to change his legal status in regards to the child, he may have as little as two years to do it. It is wise to be aware of individual state laws regarding deadlines for establishing or disputing paternity.

Are Paternity Rights for Unmarried Fathers Constitutional?

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the U.S. Supreme Court has recently affirmed a series of adoption cases involving the constitutional protections afforded to unmarried fathers. These protections came under the 14th amendment. But this does not mean this protection will be afforded in every case, especially if legal paternity has not been established. In those cases, states still very much have the last word.

The Bottom Line

Parents splitting up is hard on everyone involved, whether they’re married or not, but the consequences can be especially tough for unmarried couples. Getting informed and taking proactive steps now to protect future relationships with a child is the wise thing to do. If you are unsure about what to do or what the laws are in your state, you may want to consider hiring a family-law attorney or other type of legal resource in your area. When the ongoing connection with your child is at stake, paying a few legal fees is a small price for what is essentially a priceless relationship. 

Get a Paternity Kit

 Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our  Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri  from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center. 

Resources

Clarke, Peter. “Child Custody Laws between Unmarried Parents.” Child Custody Laws between Unmarried Parents. Legal Match, 11 Jan. 2016. Web. 09 Mar. 2016. <http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/child-custody-between-unmarried-parents.html>.

Padawer, Ruth. “Who Knew I Was Not the Father?” The New York Times. The New York Times, 21 Nov. 2009. Web. 09 Mar. 2016. <http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22Paternity-t.html?pagewanted=all>.

Saukas, Gail. “Married vs. Not: The Difference It Makes in a Custody Battle.”WOTV4womencom. WOOD Television, LLC, 30 Apr. 2015. Web. 09 Mar. 2016. <http://wotv4women.com/2015/04/30/married-vs-not-the-difference-in-makes-in-a-custody-battle/>.

“State Statutes Search.” – Child Welfare Information Gateway. Department of Health and Human Services, n.d. Web. 09 Mar. 2016. <http://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/state/?hasBeenRedirected=1>.

“The Rights of Unmarried Fathers.” – Child Welfare Information Gateway. Department of Health and Human Services, Jan. 2014. Web. 09 Mar. 2016. <http://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/putative/>.

“Where to Write for Vital Records.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 16 Sept. 2015. Web. 09 Mar. 2016. <http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/w2w.htm>.

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