Father Archives - HomeDNA Paternity

How Distant Dads Can Get Back Into Their Child’s Life

by HOMEDNA on 11/01/2021

Originally published 8/12/2013 | Republished 11/1/2021

Twenty-four million children in America (that’s one out of every three) currently live in homes where their biological father is not part of their life. Unfortunately, these kids are more likely to face financial challenges, use drugs, drop out of school or engage in criminal behavior.*

Having both biological parents active in a child’s life is very important to that child’s long-term development, health and well-being. Dual-parenting has proven to have a positive effect on both a child’s social development and academic achievement.

While getting back into a child’s life after a parent has been distant or estranged can be very difficult, the following is advice for fathers who are working to repair their relationship with their child.

Establish answers to lingering questions

The absence of some men may be due to not being completely certain about the paternity of the child. These questions are actually more common than you might think. In fact, a recent survey found that one in five Americans said that they, or a close friend or family member, have questioned paternity.

Addressing paternity questions is important not only for the child, but also for the man and woman involved. Test kits like the HomeDNA Paternity Test are available at drug stores and super centers, and offer 100 % accurate and confidential results within a matter of days.

Meet with mom

Once paternity is established, the father should set a time to meet with the child’s mother. During this meeting it’s important to maintain civility and talk about why the father wants to now become a part of the child’s life. This meeting should serve as a time to break any tension that might be lingering from a past relationship, and is also an opportunity for both parents to set some ground rules in regards to the new relationship with the child.

Start slow

It’s important to start slow when first establishing a relationship with the child. If the father and child have never met before, it might make sense for them to first speak over the phone first (if the child is old enough), in order to become familiar with each other’s voices.

When meeting in person, the pair should meet in a place where the child feels the most comfortable, such as his or her home or a nearby park. It’s a good idea for the mother to attend in order to put the child’s mind at ease, and to start off talking about simple subjects, such as his or her favorite colors, animals, foods, television shows, school subjects, etc.

Be consistent

Consistency is perhaps the most important. The father needs to follow through with the relationship this time. A dad should plan to meet with his child at least once a week in order to build trust and a good rapport. As time passes, the goal should be to increase the father’s presence in the child’s life, perhaps attending more school or sporting events, or sharing holidays.

There’s no question that rebuilding this critical relationship between father and child can be tricky. However, with a little patience and persistence, establishing a healthy father/child relationship can have such a positive effect on all those involved. For more information and advice on this topic, visit Fathers Incorporated.

* Statistics are provided by United States Census Bureau, National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools, ‘Fatherless Children’, and the US Center for Disease Control

Article written by Dr. Janet Taylor,Community Psychiatrist.

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A Father’s Love: Why it Matters More Than Ever in a Daughter’s Life

by HOMEDNA on 06/10/2021

This could be considered a controversial statement in today’s society: A father (or father figure) is just as essential to healthy child development as a mother.

Most people who were raised with a loving father already know this in their hearts, but in case there’s any doubt, just check online. The internet and scholarly journals are overflowing with parenting statistics that address how having a father or loving stepfather present in a child’s life impacts everything from emotional well-being, health, criminal behavior and child abuse to teen pregnancy, substance abuse, lack of education, poverty and obesity.

Erik Erikson, a pioneer in the world of child psychology, claims that the love of a father and a mother’s love are distinctly different. Fathers “love more dangerously” because their love is more “expectant, more instrumental” than a mother’s love (K. Pruett, 1987). In other words, children take a mother’s love for granted, but they have active expectations and a cognitive need for their father’s presence and approval. A father therefore brings unique contributions to the job of parenting that no one else can replicate – especially for girls.

A Father gives his Daughter a Peek at the World of Men

A dad’s relationship with his daughter can be particularly profound in shaping her life, especially when it comes to her future relationships with men. This makes complete sense, considering that, for most young girls, her interactions with her dad are the first she has with an adult man.

Women who enjoyed involved, committed fathers (or father figures) as girls are more likely to have healthier adult relationships with the opposite sex because they learn from their fathers how proper men act toward women. They can then more easily discern which behaviors are inappropriate.

They also have a healthy familiarity with the world of men – they don’t wonder how a man’s facial stubble feels or what it’s like to be hugged by strong arms. This knowledge builds emotional security as well as safety from the exploitation of predatory males.

Studies have shown there is a close connection between fatherly affirmation and a woman’s:

self-esteem
fear of intimacy
comfort with womanhood
comfort with sexuality

In fact, research indicates that the closer a girl is to her father, the more delayed puberty will be for her and the later she will become sexually active.

A Father Sets the Stage

A woman’s relationship with her biological dad or some kind of father figure in her life sets the stage for all future relationships with men.

If a father was there for a woman when she was a girl, both physically and emotionally, she learns that this is what she can expect from men and this characteristic is what she looks for and gravitates toward in her own relationships with men. If, as a child, she never experiences a positive relationship with an adult male, her choices for male relationships may not be in her best interests.

Dr. Bruce Robinson wrote a book that talks about what daughters learn from their fathers and in particular from the unconditional love a dad can offer:

Dads help their daughters feel self-respect and acceptance.
They demonstrate that men and women can negotiate fairly, and teach them what to expect from a male-female relationship.
Most importantly, they show a girl how to relax and be affectionate around men without being sexual.

The Bottom Line

In an ideal world, each daughter would have a loving father who’s active and involved in her life. As a top paternity test company, we know that’s not possible. Whether you are a single mother or a same-sex female couple raising children, a father figure can help fill the need. It could be an uncle, grandfather, teacher, pastor, or trusted neighbor. Whoever he is, a girl should be able to identify with him on a deeply psychological level and get the guidance she needs to navigate childhood and become a strong, resilient woman.

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Resources

Kyle D. Pruett, The Nurturing Father, (New York: Warner Books, 1987), p. 49. http://kylepruettmd.com/

http://www.scribd.com/book/155441536/Daughters-and-their-Dads-Tips-for-fathers-adult-daughters-husbands-and-father-figures

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting-roles/the-involved-father/fathers-matter#fn2

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Children’s Living Arrangements and Characteristics: March 2011, Table C8. Washington D.C.: 2011.

Source: Matthews, T.J., Sally C. Curtin, and Marian F. MacDorman. Infant Mortality Statistics from the 1998 Period Linked Birth/Infant Death Data Set. National Vital Statistics Reports, Vol. 48, No. 12. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, 2000.

Source: Bush, Connee, Ronald L. Mullis, and Ann K. Mullis. ‘Differences in Empathy Between Offender and Nonoffender Youth.’ Journal of Youth and Adolescence 29 (August 2000): 467-478.

Source: Teachman, Jay D. ‘The Childhood Living Arrangements of Children and the Characteristics of Their Marriages.’ Journal of Family Issues 25 (January 2004): 86-111.

Source: ‘CPS Involvement in Families with Social Fathers.’ Fragile Families Research Brief No.46. Princeton, NJ and New York, NY: Bendheim-Thomas Center for Research on Child Wellbeing and Social Indicators Survey Center, 2010.

Source: Hoffmann, John P. ‘The Community Context of Family Structure and Adolescent Drug Use.’ Journal of Marriage and Family 64 (May 2002): 314-330.

Paternity Testing without the Father

by HOMEDNA on 04/12/2021

Is Paternity Testing without the Father Possible?

Customers often ask us how to do paternity testing without the father or if it’s even possible. There are many reasons why a possible father may not be available for DNA testing, such as he’s incarcerated, out of the country with the military, or simply unwilling. The good news is, there are ways to determine paternity without him. Testing for paternity without the father requires the participation of some of the father’s immediate family members such as his parents, siblings, or other known children and, as always, it is helpful to include the child’s biological mother in the DNA test as well. Click here to find out why testing the mother is important .

Family-reconstruction DNA tests such as those listed below can be used to determine paternity but keep in mind that they do not always produce test results that are as conclusive as a paternity test. The lab fee is also more than for a straight paternity test, since much more analysis is required.

Bottom line: Test with the father if you are able to! Your results are likely to be more conclusive and your test is more cost-effective.

In a paternity test, the DNA of the father, child and child’s biological mother (optional) are evaluated to determine if the alleged father is indeed the child’s father. When the father is unavailable for testing, other paternal family members’ DNA along with the child and the child’s biological mothers’ can help to determine paternity.

Grandparentage DNA Test for Paternity

The best DNA testing option to determine paternity without the father is using the DNA of the father’s parents, or the child’s paternal grandparents. In addition, the child needs to submit a DNA sample and the child’s biological mother should do likewise. This test gives the most conclusive results out of any family-reconstruction DNA test in helping to determine paternity. Although you may be able to discover paternity using only one grandparent’s DNA, results are more conclusive with both.

Avuncular DNA Test for Paternity

Another option for finding the paternity of a child without the father is using the DNA of a full sibling or siblings of the father; or in other words, the child’s aunt(s) or uncle(s). Like the grandparentage test, the child’s and child’s biological mother’s DNA are necessary for getting the most conclusive test results.

Siblingship DNA Test for Paternity

Your final option is a siblingship test. This test requires the DNA of another known child of the possible father. In this case, the mother’s DNA greatly helps with receiving conclusive results.

Father not Available? Call Us

If you find yourself needing to find the paternity of a child but the father isn’t available, you have other options. Our in-store kit is only for testing a child with a possible father, so if you need any other type of testing, you must contact us directly to set it up. We’re ready to help! Call 800.929.0847 (M-F, 8 AM to 8 PM Eastern).

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center.