FATHER HUGGING SON AFTER A PATERNITY TEST

The Secret to Amazing Fatherhood Goes Beyond Genetics

by HOMEDNA on 09/13/2021

Fatherhood is a powerful thing, but it is not solely a biological bond. There is also a highly formative psychological one that impacts every aspect of development, personal growth and individual happiness. Fatherhood belongs to any man who rises to the challenge of supporting, raising, and protecting a child through to adulthood, and that power is neither enhanced nor diminished by blood relation.

While having an actively involved father benefits children, being a father benefits men as well. In fact, being a father (or father figure) produces the same positive effects for men whether there are genetic ties to the child or not. According to LiveScience, ‘Taking care of a child reshapes a dad’s brain, causing it to show the same patterns of cognitive and emotional engagement that are seen in moms’ (Gholipour).

Does a child need their biological father to lead a fulfilling life?

At present, there is no scientific research that supports the idea that biology is required for good parenting, strong parent-to-child bonds, or a child’s quality of life. As The Independent, a renowned British national newspaper, points out, ‘Historically, children were brought up in multi-generational homes, with grandparents, parents and siblings all mucking in to bring up the kids. In fact, around 51 million Americans still live in a house with at least two adult generations under one roof’ (Hamilton).

Put simply, non-traditional families can still care for a child and positively impact their life. Stepfathers and other male role models are no less of a parent just because they do not share a child’s genetics, and consequently, genetics do not guarantee that the biological father will be a better parent. Grandfathers, uncles, friends, and stepfathers are all well suited to be positive male role models to a child and can assume the responsibilities of paternity.

As it turns out, being a great father doesn’t necessarily mean being the child’s true biological father; it’s really about wanting to and being there when it matters most for the child to help them grow. And even if you recently did a paternity test and found out you’re not the father, the bond you developed doesn’t have to be broken.

Great fathers provide love and nurturing

Being a great father means being involved in a child’s life. Biologically-related or not, being a father does not help the child if you are absent or neglectful. Amazing fathers nurture their relationship with unconditional love. This involves being there and spending quality, meaningful time with a child. For newborns, this might include participating in playtime, soothing them when they cry, making them laugh, taking them on walks to explore the world, and sharing responsibilities with the mother, like changing diapers .

Involvement should not stop once the child is past infancy. Playing games and going on adventures with your child as they grow older is just as important to show that you still love them and want to be part of their life.

Fathers should help their children learn and grow

Although play is important, it’s easy to fall into the role of  buddy instead of father. For this reason, it is also crucial that fathers provide a voice of reason and provide gentle, but firm, discipline when necessary. Learning how to say no,creating healthy boundaries for them and with them, modeling good behavior, and guiding them to make good decisions will assist in their development, helping them grow into a happy, respectful, and responsible individual.

DNA test results won’t affect your ability to be an amazing father

Some men are hesitant to take paternity tests because they are afraid negative results might make them feel like less of a father. However, the secret to being an amazing father goes far beyond genetics. No matter what the DNA test results are, a child can have a fulfilling childhood and a strong relationship with a father who cares. Often, for a child, to know that the biology is NOT there, but the father chose to stay, or even better chose them, speaks volumes to the love and character inherent in the relationship.

The Bottom Line

For some men, knowing that they are indeed a child’s biological father helps them become more actively involved in the child’s life. Even when a DNA test shows they are NOT the father, some men choose to legally adopt so they can protect their rights as a father and secure their relationship with the child involved.

Fatherhood is so much more than a DNA test result, and there is nothing to fear from discovering the truth.

 Get a paternity test kit today.

What do you think about this topic? Let us know in the comments below.

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Sources

Gholipour, By Bahar. “5 Ways Fatherhood Changes a Man’s Brain.” LiveScience. TechMedia Network, 14 June 2014. Web. 04 June 2015. <http://www.livescience.com/46322-fatherhood-changes-brain.html>.

Hamilton, Chloe. “You Don’t Need Both Biological Parents to Raise a Family.” The Independent. Independent Digital News and Media, 13 Jan. 2014. Web. 04 June 2015. <http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/you-dont-need-both-biological-parents-to-raise-a-family-9056956.html>.

IDENTIGENE Why a Father Matter in a Daughter's Life

A Father’s Love: Why it Matters More Than Ever in a Daughter’s Life

by HOMEDNA on 06/10/2021

This could be considered a controversial statement in today’s society: A father (or father figure) is just as essential to healthy child development as a mother.

Most people who were raised with a loving father already know this in their hearts, but in case there’s any doubt, just check online. The internet and scholarly journals are overflowing with parenting statistics that address how having a father or loving stepfather present in a child’s life impacts everything from emotional well-being, health, criminal behavior and child abuse to teen pregnancy, substance abuse, lack of education, poverty and obesity.

Erik Erikson, a pioneer in the world of child psychology, claims that the love of a father and a mother’s love are distinctly different. Fathers “love more dangerously” because their love is more “expectant, more instrumental” than a mother’s love (K. Pruett, 1987). In other words, children take a mother’s love for granted, but they have active expectations and a cognitive need for their father’s presence and approval. A father therefore brings unique contributions to the job of parenting that no one else can replicate – especially for girls.

A  Father gives his Daughter a Peek at the World of Men

A dad’s relationship with his daughter can be particularly profound in shaping her life, especially when it comes to her future relationships with men. This makes complete sense, considering that, for most young girls, her interactions with her dad are the first she has with an adult man.

Women who enjoyed involved, committed fathers (or father figures) as girls are more likely to have healthier adult relationships with the opposite sex because they learn from their fathers how proper men act toward women. They can then more easily discern which behaviors are inappropriate.

They also have a healthy familiarity with the world of men – they don’t wonder how a man’s facial stubble feels or what it’s like to be hugged by strong arms. This knowledge builds emotional security as well as safety from the exploitation of predatory males.

Studies have shown there is a close connection between fatherly affirmation and a woman’s:

  • self-esteem
  • fear of intimacy
  • comfort with womanhood
  • comfort with sexuality

In fact, research indicates that the closer a girl is to her father, the more delayed puberty will be for her and the later she will become sexually active.

A Father Sets the Stage

A woman’s relationship with her biological dad or some kind of father figure in her life sets the stage for all future relationships with men.

If a father was there for a woman when she was a girl, both physically and emotionally, she learns that this is what she can expect from men and this characteristic is what she looks for and gravitates toward in her own relationships with men. If, as a child, she never experiences a positive relationship with an adult male, her choices for male relationships may not be in her best interests.

Dr. Bruce Robinson wrote a book that talks about what daughters learn from their fathers and in particular from the unconditional love a dad can offer:

  • Dads help their daughters feel self-respect and acceptance.
  • They demonstrate that men and women can negotiate fairly, and teach them what to expect from a male-female relationship.
  • Most importantly, they show a girl how to relax and be affectionate around men without being sexual.

The Bottom Line

In an ideal world, each daughter would have a loving father who’s active and involved in her life. As a top paternity test company, we know that’s not possible. Whether you are a single mother or a same-sex female couple raising children, a father figure can help fill the need. It could be an uncle, grandfather, teacher, pastor, or trusted neighbor. Whoever he is, a girl should be able to identify with him on a deeply psychological level and get the guidance she needs to navigate childhood and become a strong, resilient woman.

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Resources

Kyle D. Pruett, The Nurturing Father, (New York: Warner Books, 1987), p. 49. http://kylepruettmd.com/

http://www.scribd.com/book/155441536/Daughters-and-their-Dads-Tips-for-fathers-adult-daughters-husbands-and-father-figures

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting-roles/the-involved-father/fathers-matter#fn2

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Children’s Living Arrangements and Characteristics: March 2011, Table C8. Washington D.C.: 2011.

Source: Matthews, T.J., Sally C. Curtin, and Marian F. MacDorman. Infant Mortality Statistics from the 1998 Period Linked Birth/Infant Death Data Set. National Vital Statistics Reports, Vol. 48, No. 12. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, 2000.

Source: Bush, Connee, Ronald L. Mullis, and Ann K. Mullis. ‘Differences in Empathy Between Offender and Nonoffender Youth.’ Journal of Youth and Adolescence 29 (August 2000): 467-478.

Source: Teachman, Jay D. ‘The Childhood Living Arrangements of Children and the Characteristics of Their Marriages.’ Journal of Family Issues 25 (January 2004): 86-111.

Source: ‘CPS Involvement in Families with Social Fathers.’ Fragile Families Research Brief No.46. Princeton, NJ and New York, NY: Bendheim-Thomas Center for Research on Child Wellbeing and Social Indicators Survey Center, 2010.

Source: Hoffmann, John P. ‘The Community Context of Family Structure and Adolescent Drug Use.’ Journal of Marriage and Family 64 (May 2002): 314-330.

 

A Paternity Test says I’m the Father: 3 Key Ways to Establish a Fatherhood Relationship

by HOMEDNA on 05/24/2021

Participating in a paternity test can be a stressful event in any man’s life, especially since the results have the potential to be so intensely life-changing.

Paternity test results may be the impetus to creating a new family or it can make an existing family stronger by confirming a biological relationship. Ultimately, when a paternity test establishes you are the father, whether you deal with this knowledge negatively or positively is up to you. Just remember, there’s a child involved and their needs matter just as much as yours.

There are many important benefits to establishing legal paternity, whether your child is still a minor or if they’ve become an adult. But psychologists are quick to assert that the emotional benefits of a healthy relationship between father and child are equally critical. If fatherhood is a new role for you, here are three ways you can establish and nurture those ties.

1. Invest Time and Attention

Showing up now and then just doesn’t cut it. A father needs to first invest time and attention with children in order for trust to be established (Joseph,Strain). When a child is old enough to talk and understand , it’s unwise to just say you’re their new parent and so you expect them to obey or respect you. Start slowly. If you don’t live in the child’s home, devote time on the weekends and whenever else you can to actively engage and spend time with them: reading stories, going to the park, watching TV, playing games, talking.

 Studies consistently show that ‘part-time dads’ who come in and out of a child’s life can do more harm than good. In fact, children report feeling abandoned when their fathers are not consistently involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions and episodic bouts of self-loathing (Kruk). Make the time to be there for them consistently.

 Even if there are times when your child doesn’t want to be with you, give them space, but don’t give up.

Fathers play a hugely important role in the mental health of their children much later in life. ~Melanie Mallers, Professor of Psychology (Cal State University)

2. Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Unfortunately, you may live far away from your child or you may only have limited contact while establishing legal paternity in the court system. Don’t be discouraged! You can still keep the lines of communication open when you can’t be together in person. Be sure to:

  • Make phone calls
  • Send emails
  • Talk face-to-face using FaceTime or Skype
  • Send cards, postcards, and letters

Never allow the child to believe that you are not thinking of them on a daily basis (Meyer).

3. Respect your Child’s Mother

This tip is hugely important when establishing a paternal relationship with a child of any age, and is even more important when the child is a teen or if the paternity test determined you are the father of a child who is now an adult .

At first, you may be considered an ‘outsider’ in the established parental relationship of mother and child. If you speak ill of Mom or accuse her of being the reason you’ve never been in their life, your son or daughter is placed in the position of having to defend Mom and it can backfire. On the other hand, if you express your respect for all she’s done in raising such a great kid, that positive attitude goes a long way toward creating trust.

Even if you think your ex has wanted to perpetuate estrangement between you and your child, honestly acknowledge ways you may also have contributed to not having had a relationship all these years (Coleman). This takes humility, but kids are smart and they respect honesty.

The Bottom Line

Melanie Mailers, a professor in psychology at Cal State University says this: “Fathers play a hugely important role in the mental health of their children much later in life. They have a unique style of interacting with their children and men who report having had a good relationship with their father during childhood were found to be better at dealing with stress” (Kemp).

 If your paternity test results indicate you are the father, embrace this new direction in your life. Fatherhood is one of the greatest gifts a man can enjoy, so don’t let it pass you by.

Can you think of other good ways fathers can develop relationships with their children? Let us know in the comments below.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our  Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri  from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center. 

RESOURCES

Coleman, Joshua, PhD. “How Parents Can Start to Reconcile with Estranged Kids.” Greater Good. The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, 25 Aug. 2010. Web. 05 Nov. 2015. <http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_parents_can_start_to_reconcile_with_their_kids>.

 Joseph, Gail E., PhD, and Phillip S. Strain, PhD. “Building Positive Relationships with Parents of Young Children.” The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (2012): n. pag.Vanderbilt.edu/csefel. Vanderbilt University, 1 Feb. 2010. Web. 5 Nov. 2015. <http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/modules/module1/handout5.pdf>.

 Kemp, Rob. “The Importance of Father-child Bonding | The National.” The Importance of Father-child Bonding | The National. Abu Dhabi Media, 8 Feb. 2011. Web. 05 Nov. 2015. <http://www.thenational.ae/lifestyle/family/the-importance-of-father-child-bonding>.

 Kruk, Edward, PhD. “Father Absence, Father Deficit, Father Hunger.”Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC., 23 May 2012. Web. 05 Nov. 2015. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201205/father-absence-father-deficit-father-hunger>.

 Meyer, Cathy. “Tips to Help Restore Your Relationship With Your Child/Children.” About.com Dating & Relationships. About.com, n.d. Web. 05 Nov. 2015. <http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/meetingyourchildsneeds/qt/restore_rel.htm>.

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