Resource Center Archives - Page 21 of 29

The 5 Greatest Gifts a Family Can Give a Child

by HOMEDNA on 12/21/2015

It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. ~Dr. Seuss (from How the Grinch Stole Christmas)

Can your kids remember what they got under the tree last year? Probably not! It’s the time of year when kids are making their gift lists and checking them twice, but it’s been said over and over that the very best gifts don’t come in a box…they come from the heart. Make it a family tradition each year to focus on these gifts of the heart, and you’ll help create not only memories to last a lifetime, but also lay a solid foundation for generations to come.

Families come in all shapes, sizes and types: Two-parent homes, grandparents raising children, single-parent homes and more. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa—or nothing at all—here are the 5 greatest gifts any type of family can give a child this holiday season.

1. A Family Gift of TIME

Let’s face it—our lives are busy, and if we’re not careful we allow them to get even busier around the holidays! Make a conscious effort to S.L.O.W down a little and give more time to the most important thing in life: your child. What can this look like during the holidays?

Make dinner at home and eat it around the table together every day for a week. Let your child help decide the menu and spend time assisting you in preparing the meals too! The time spent together is priceless.
Eliminate electronic distractions at mealtimes so that real conversation can take place. If necessary, put cell phones in a basket before sitting down to eat.
Ask your small child what’s on their mind when you tuck them into bed at night. They’ll have sweeter dreams knowing you cared enough to ask about their life and you’ll also be establishing a closer relationship.

2. A Family Gift of GIVING

It’s natural for a child to focus on GETTING, but you can help them become less self-centered and more empathetic of others by helping them learn the joys of GIVING. What can this look like during the holidays?

Be someone’s ‘Secret Santa.’ Together, leave small, inexpensive gifts by someone’s door for a week. Your child will be delighted at the joy he’s giving to someone else, and it’s made even sweeter because it’s a secret.
Give to those in need. Even if you don’t have a lot of money, someone else is struggling more. Have your child select one of their toys to give to someone else or donate a few cans of food to the food bank.
Make something homemade for someone. It could be cookies or a hand-drawn card created with crayons. Your child will love giving something they’ve made by hand.

3. A Family Gift of READING

Experts agree that reading aloud is a gift for children that keeps on giving throughout their entire lives. It’s never too early to start, and even teens benefit from this activity. Parents who read out loud to their children build kids’ vocabulary, expand their background knowledge and create a lasting bond. The act of reading to a child also helps them associate books and learning with something positive, which helps them in school all year long (Gentry). What can this look like during the holidays?

Visit the library and choose age-appropriate holiday-themed books to read together.
Set aside a half-hour every day to read aloud. If you stick to the same time every day, you’re more likely not to forget.
Don’t stop talking once the book is finished. Ask your child’s opinion about the book and let them ask questions too.

CLICK HERE for holiday reading ideas

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. ~Dr. Seuss (from How the Grinch Stole Christmas)

4. A Family Gift of FUN

It’s important not to get so caught up in the ‘must-do’s’ of the holidays that we forget to have fun with our kids. Sometimes you gotta let whatever it is you ‘have to do’ wait, seize the moment, and just let loose. What can this look like during the holidays?

Did it just snow where you live? Get out there with your child and have a snowball fight!
Make ‘fun’ a holiday tradition your child looks forward to every year. For example, if there’s snow, always go sledding on New Year’s Day.
Play silly holiday songs while you’re running errands in the car and encourage your child to sing along with you.

CLICK HERE for silly holiday song ideas

5. A Family Gift of HERITAGE

One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is knowledge of where he or she came from and that they are an essential asset to the family group. A healthy family provides a secure environment for growth and learning, and children benefit from a sense of ‘we-ness’ (Alderfer). What can this look like during the holidays?

Show old photographs of their ancestors who’ve passed on and tell them their stories, if you know them.
Express their importance in your life and how they are a central part of your family. They need to hear this, and often.
If you have any doubts about a child’s paternity, get those questions answered for their sake by doing a paternity test. Someday, if not now, they will want to know the truth and this knowledge can strengthen families. If it’s healthy, they can develop a fatherhood relationship, enjoy a new source of support, and create lifetime bonds.

Do you have ideas for the greatest gifts a family can give a child? Tell us in the comments!

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri from 8:30AM to 5:30 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center.

Resources

Alderfer, Charleen. “Roots and Wings.” Psych Central. Psych Central, n.d. Web. 16 Dec. 2015. <http://psychcentral.com/lib/roots-and-wings/>.

Emmons, Sasha. “Best Christmas and Holiday Books for Kids.” Parenting. Meredith Corporation, n.d. Web. 16 Dec. 2015. <http://www.parenting.com/gallery/best-christmas-books-kids>.

Gentry, J. Richard, PhD. “The Do’s and Don’ts for Family Reading.” Psychology Today. Psychology Today, 26 Oct. 2015. Web. 16 Dec. 2015. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/raising-readers-writers-and-spellers/201510/the-do-s-and-don-ts-family-reading>.

“Top Funny Christmas Songs – Top Humorous Christmas Songs.” Top Funny Christmas Songs – Top Humorous Christmas Songs. Music Outfitters, Inc., n.d. Web. 16 Dec. 2015. <http://www.musicoutfitters.com/topsongs/top-funny-christmas-songs.htm>.

Balancing Fatherhood and Work: 5 Tips for Dads

by HOMEDNA on 09/07/2015

There’s been plenty written about moms going back to work after having a child and the effects this has on the home, but achieving a healthy, effective family-career balance is just as important for dads as it is for moms.

Fathers, ditch the guilt-working is an important part of being a good dad!

We all have to work for a living, but remember we also get to work for a living! Recent psychological research from the University of Wisconsin-Madison suggests that playing both roles of worker and parent is extremely beneficial for adults’ mental, physical and relationship health. In fact, if we’re having more success at a given time with either parenting or career, it can buffer us from the negative effects of stress or not doing as well in the other (Novotney). And when dads are feeling good about themselves, the family benefits too!

Effective parenting means setting a good example in all aspects of life, including being responsible and dedicating time to your job. So how do you find that elusive sweet spot? How do you effectively divide the hours in your week between being a good dad and bringing in the bacon?

Our favorite 5 tips for balancing fatherhood and work

Put family on your calendar

You might have an extensive calendar at work, full of meetings, appointments, or places you need to be. In most of these cases, you wouldn’t dream of cancelling or rescheduling. Adopt the same philosophy and dedication to ‘showing up’ for your family. Create and put family activities on your calendar, then be there.

Years from now, your daughter will remember your ‘dates’ at the playground-just the two of you hanging out on the swings, talking. And your son will remember that he could always count on seeing you in the stands for his football games. It doesn’t have to be fancy or cost money. But this kind of involvement creates lasting memories and a legacy for generations. Kids remember that they were important enough to you that you gave them your time.

Negotiate more work flexibility, if possible

There’s something super-special about an unexpected 3-day weekend. If possible, see if you can negotiate one week a month of working ‘four 10s,’ leaving either a Monday or Friday open for extra-relaxing family time. If you can swing this, be sure to dedicate that day off to being dad and making memories: one-on-one basketball games, visits to the library, cuddling and watching your child’s favorite movie on TV, or whatever you like to do together.

If you can do your work at home, consider a ‘third shift.’ Leave the workplace at 4:30. Enjoy a relaxed dinner with the family before the bedtime routine starts, and then log on to your computer later to do your last two hours of work.

Pull your eyes away from those screens

Even if you think you’re ‘there’ for your family, you may not be, really. Good parenting usually involves limiting screen-time for kids so that they can get outside and get physical or spend more time on homework, right? What dads may not realize is that they spend as much-if not more-time looking at screens each day, especially if their career involves working at a computer.

There are 168 hours in a week. If 50 are spent sleeping and 60 are spent at work, you have 58 hours each week to spend on enjoying the rest of your life, including your family (Parker). Dads who pull their eyes away from electronic screens and instead spend the majority of those available hours making true memories with their kids reap rewards that last a lifetime.

No need to be a superhero: simplify your life

Dads don’t have to be superheroes to absolutely everyone! If free time is tight, reserve wearing the cape for your own family. Especially when your kids are young, balancing work and family may mean temporarily foregoing joining the office basketball league, improving your golf game on Saturday mornings or even catching up on that work project over the weekend.

Most employers admire dads who value their family and take the time to nurture those relationships, especially if you are upfront about how important your kids are to you.

Show equal passion

Commit to being as passionate about raising your children well as you are about earning a living. When you prioritize as equally as possible, the things that are most important to you, both in your job and in your family life, naturally float to the top and the rest gets forgotten-you’ll realize those other things just don’t matter.

Remember, there aren’t any perfect dads and parenting is the hardest work you’ll ever do. If you fall short some weeks, cut yourself some slack and try again!

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter!If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri from 9 AM to 6 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center.

Sources

Novotney, Amy. “Balancing Kids and Careers.” Http://www.apa.org. American Psychological Association, Oct. 2013. Web. 01 Sept. 2015. <http://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/10/balancing-kids.aspx>.

Behson, Scott, PhD. “Respecting the Rhythm of Work and Family – Fathers, Work and Family.” Fathers Work and Family. N.p., 12 Aug. 2015. Web. 01 Sept. 2015. <http://fathersworkandfamily.com/2015/08/12/respecting-the-rhythm-of-work-and-family/>.

Parker, Wayne. “Simplifying Your Life.” About Parenting. About.com, n.d. Web. 01 Sept. 2015. <http://fatherhood.about.com/od/workingfathers/a/simplify.htm>.

“10 Ways to Balance Work and Family Life – All Pro Dad.” All Pro Dad. All Pro Dad, 02 June 2010. Web. 01 Sept. 2015. <http://www.allprodad.com/10-ways-to-balance-work-and-family-life/>.

Who’s my Daddy? Talking to a Child about Paternity Testing: your Survey Results

by HOMEDNA on 08/24/2015

As a good parent, you want to be as honest as possible with your child. You talk to them about the importance of eating their vegetables, being kind and doing their best in school. But when it comes to approaching a very adult subject with them-like paternity testing-you may find yourself at a loss. When’s the right time? How much do they need to know? Should you even tell them that swabbing their cheek is part of a test to determine their biological father? Is this one time when you shouldn’t be honest?

Because these are commonly-asked and very important questions, we recently conducted an opinion survey with a small sampling of testing-kit customers. The survey’s purpose was to gather information on what, if anything, these parents shared with their minor children about the testing process.

The Survey-by the Numbers

45%	Respondents whose children were 1 year old or younger at the time of testing.
30%	Respondents with children ages 2-18 who *did not* discuss the purpose of the testing or the test results with their children.
77%	Respondents who think parents *should* talk about the purpose of the test with tweens (11-13 years) as well as older children, *before* they take the test.

To Tell the Truth-(or not)

Parents in the survey who opted to tell their kids they were participating in paternity testing all had one basic thing in common: a desire to be upfront with their children. Here’s a sampling:

~ I just told her we needed to make sure.

~ I suggested to [my daughter] she could expect to go through a bit of an emotional roller coaster-it’s a bit like mourning [the parental relationship she thought she had with her stepdad]. I told her no matter what, her bio dad would never want to replace the man she knows as dad.

~ My daughter and her bio dad took the test together and anxiously awaited the results. Because of talking about all the possibilities ahead of time, the [positive] news was well-received.

~ I told my child I want her to know the truth and be able to know who her real father is, whoever he may be.

~ Explain every step of the testing process, results, and real consequences of the results. Stay positive; don’t scare them. Be completely honest and transparent at an appropriate level. If they express fears, take the time to acknowledge those fears and give them truthful information. Kids are incredibly intuitive and resilient.

If, for whatever reason, parents choose not to tell the child about the purpose of paternity testing before using the kit, these suggestions were offered for telling kids why they are having their cheeks swabbed:

~ I would just tell her that we’re checking for medical problems in our family’s history.

~ I will tell him that taking this test is for medical reasons.

There’s no Absolute Right or Wrong

As the variety of responses in this survey shows, everyone has a valuable opinion, but there really isn’t any one-size-fits-all solution for every parent, child and circumstance. Whether or not to tell a child the real purpose of paternity testing is a highly-personal decision that depends on a unique combination of factors. For example:

The child’s age.
The child’s emotional maturity/stability.
The child is asking questions.
Family dynamic.
Whether or not the suspected bio dad is in her life and wants to be involved in her upbringing.
The risk of a medical condition that may have been inherited from the bio dad.

Ask!

The bottom line is, as parents we’d like to think we instinctively have all the answers for difficult situations, but sometimes even the most confident parents need a little help. Before making the decision whether or not you should talk about the purpose of DNA testing with your child, it’s a good idea to do some research. Here are some quick suggestions:

Learn more about the test and the positive effects it can have on your family.
Talk to friends or family members who have had testing done.
Join the conversation, ask questions, or just read and learn from online forums like these:

WhatToExpect.com

BabyCenter.com

MedHelp.org

Most importantly, keep in mind the results of this type of DNA test have the potential to be a real life-changer for everyone, and most especially for your child. Because every situation is unique, don’t rely solely on the internet or friends’ advice. Be sure to consult with experts such as your family doctor, school psychologist, or counselor who can give you the professional, unbiased opinions you need to make the wisest and most informed decisions for your family.

Got an opinion? Let your voice be heard and help other parents! Tell us what you think in the comments below.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri from 9 AM to 6 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center.