What to do when DNA says you're not the father

What to Do When You Discover You Are Not the Father

by HOMEDNA on 06/23/2019

If you’ve taken on the role of parenting a child, this relationship is not something that can be easily undone by a DNA test. No matter how many years you’ve been the father, you know better than anyone that in your heart you will always feel a paternal bond, whether you’re biologically related or not. But very often, an assumed biological relationship is disproved by the results of an at-home or legal paternity test, which means very critical decisions now need to be made.

So what do you do when you discover you’re not the father?

There are several things you can do, including:

  1. Trying to claim legal guardianship, or
  2. Going to court for the child support payments you were wrongfully obligated to pay

Claiming legal guardianship (applies to most states)

If you wish to establish legal guardianship, begin by filing a petition stating your interest in becoming the child’s legal guardian.

Because the court will come to a decision that has the child’s best interest at heart, they will most likely set up interviews. Not only will you be interviewed, but the mother and the biological father, too, will be subject to investigation.

To become legal guardian of a child, you must meet the following qualifications:

  • Be of legal adult age ( usually 18+)
  • Be physically capable of assuming responsibility for the child
  • Have enough time to care for the child
  • Be capable of supporting a child financially
  • Prove to be a positive influence and responsible role model

After you submit a petition and the investigations begin, you may want to write a letter of explanation stating your reasons for wanting to establish legal guardianship. This may help present a stronger case in your favor. However, as the case moves forward, the court will take many other things into account, including:

  • The child’s preferred guardian
  • Who among the interested parties would provide the best care
  • The relationship between the child and the potential guardian
  • Moral conduct of all interested parties
  • Consent of the child’s parents

If the mother and biological father do not offer their consent, you may still have a case if they have their parental rights terminated or if the court decides they are unfit to raise the child and that denying custody would be in the child’s best interest.

Seeking reimbursement for child support

Unfortunately, in most states it is nearly impossible to get reimbursed for child support, even if paternity test results show you are not the father.

If you truly want to pursue reimbursement, you should prepare for a lengthy-and most likely costly- legal battle that may not have any payoff. The best advice is this:

  • Get a good lawyer
  • Make a strong case to be compensated for damages
  • Provide concrete, legal DNA evidence to the court
  • Be patient

These cases are generally difficult because once you sign any documents acknowledging paternity, a legal relationship recognized by the courts has been established. Although rare, there are exceptions. Some men who have provided strong DNA evidence and a compelling case have convinced courts to rule in their favor by voiding the mother’s child support claim.

NOTE: The above information is general  meant only to provide a basic outline of processes. Laws vary from state to state. 

Click here to see paternity information for all 50 states or click the link(s) for your state at the bottom of this post.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure

The best way around this unfortunate situation is to avoid it in the first place. Before signing any documents such as an acknowledgment of paternity or birth certificate, it is much safer to take an at-home paternity test when the child is born. This way, you won’t be trapped in any legally-binding agreements without full knowledge of your true relationship to the child.

Once baby arrives, you may purchase an IDENTIGENE at-home paternity test at your local independent drug store or a chain such as CVS, Rite Aid, Walgreens, or Walmart. These tests are performed using convenient cheek swabs that are safe to use on infants. Simply submit your child’s and your DNA samples along with the order form. Once samples arrive at our accredited DNA testing laboratory, you will have your results within two business days. If you prefer to know sooner, you can also do a paternity test before the baby is born. A non-invasive prenatal paternity test from a reputable company is just as accurate as a post-natal test and perfectly safe for mom and pregnancy.

Click here to read about and then watch how a real IDENTIGENE client handled the news that he wasn’t the biological father.

For more information about the IDENTIGENE paternity test kit or other questions about establishing paternity, explore our website.

 
Follow us on Facebook and Twitter! If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri  from 9 AM to 6 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center. 

State-by-State Paternity Resources

Alabama Paternity Establishment

Alaska Paternity Establishment

Arizona Paternity Establishment

Arkansas Paternity Establishment

California Paternity Establishment

Colorado Paternity Establishment

Connecticut Paternity Establishment

Delaware Paternity Establishment

District of Columbia Paternity Establishment

Florida Paternity Establishment

Georgia Paternity Establishment

Hawai’i Paternity Establishment

Idaho Paternity Establishment

Illinois Paternity Establishment

Indiana Paternity Establishment

Iowa Paternity Establishment

Kansas Paternity Establishment

Kentucky Paternity Establishment

Louisiana Paternity Establishment

Maine Paternity Establishment

Maryland Paternity Establishment

Massachusetts Paternity Establishment

Michigan Paternity Establishment

Minnesota Paternity Establishment

Mississippi Paternity Establishment

Missouri Paternity Establishment

Montana Paternity Establishment

Nebraska Paternity Establishment

Nevada Paternity Establishment

New Hampshire Paternity Establishment

New Jersey Paternity Establishment

New Mexico Paternity Establishment

New York Paternity Establishment

North Carolina Paternity Establishment

North Dakota Paternity Establishment

Ohio Paternity Establishment

Oklahoma Paternity Establishmentces)

Oregon Paternity Establishment

Pennsylvania Paternity Establishment

Rhode Island Paternity Establishment

South Carolina Paternity Establishment

South Dakota Paternity Establishment

Tennessee Paternity Establishment

Texas Paternity Establishment

Utah Paternity Establishment

Vermont Paternity Establishment

Virginia Paternity Establishment

Washington Paternity Establishment

West Virginia Paternity Establishment

Wisconsin Paternity Establishment

Wyoming Paternity Establishment

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Sources

“Paternity Information by State – FindLaw.” Findlaw. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Sept. 2015. <http://family.findlaw.com/paternity/paternity-information-by-state.html>.

“Can You Get a Refund If the Child You Support Isn’t Really Yours?”Legalzoom.com. N.p., 01 Dec. 2009. Web. 10 Sept. 2015. <http://www.legalzoom.com/articles/can-you-get-a-refund-if-the-child-you-support-isnt-really-yours>.

co-parenting with assurance paternity testing with Identigene

Single Mom? Let the Father Co-Parent Too!

by HOMEDNA on 08/08/2016

An involved father is essential to the healthy upbringing of a child.

Radical statement? Not too long ago it might have been considered radical, but as social trends moved toward single motherhood in the 80’s and 90’s (either by choice or through necessity), dads as a group were often marginalized. In some demographic groups, the importance of their role in a child’s development was completed downgraded to Dad is Nice to Have if He’s Around, But Not Necessary.

That generation of children is grown now, and recent studies show that a caring father who’s present in a kid’s life actually makes a huge difference in a child’s mental, social, and physical health as he/she grows up and beyond. And it’s not necessarily about child-support money. If you’re a single mom, here are 5 reasons to let the father co-parent with you, according to research.

Why a Father Matters: #1 Self-Esteem and Confidence

According to a report in ‘Fathers and Their Impact on Children’s Well-Being’: Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections.

Why a Father Matters: #2 Regulating Feelings and Behavior

Psychologist Dr. Ditta Oliker stresses the importance of fatherly play. It’s true that, if she is the primary caregiver, a mother may not have the time to just get down on the carpet and really let loose and play with their little rugrats. If a father is in the child’s life, he is much more likely to be the one to fill this role.

 What effect does this type of daddy-kiddo play have? It actually helps the child learn to regulate their feelings and behavior. Without a father’s influence, some behavior problems that may manifest themselves later include: difficulties with friendships, anti-social behavior, and developing a swaggering, intimidating persona to disguise their insecurities (Kruk).

Why a Father Matters: #3 Acceptance

Psychologist Dr. Miles Groth states that it’s ‘…simply not true that anyone can be a boy’s father, including his mother.’ He stresses that occasional boyfriends of divorced or unwed mothers are no substitute for a stable, permanent male presence in a child’s life. In a chaotic and sometimes scary world, it is critical to a child’s emotional well-being and feeling of belonging that they know and feel accepted by a father-that he includes them in his ‘tribe.’

Why a Father Matters: #4 Physical Health

Obese children are more likely to live in father-absent homes than are non-obese children (Allen/Daly). Kids are also more likely to develop asthma, frequent stomach aches, and other psychosomatic illnesses. According to this study, less obesity may be due to the higher level of activity a child may experience with an involved father, and fewer illnesses may be due to decreased stress levels.

Why a Father Matters: #5 Preventing Exploitation and Abuse

No mother wants her child to suffer through any kind of abuse-physical, sexual, or mental. Yet, a recent study shows that a preschooler who is not living with both parents or who has no access to a non-custodial parent is 40 times more likely to be sexually abused (Kruk). Children without a father have an unsatisfied hunger-a craving for attention from a man, which then makes them more susceptible to abuse.

The Bottom Line

There are definitely scenarios where it’s best for the child not to have their father in their life, but in most cases, a father is estranged simply because he and the mother are no longer a couple. As a top paternity test lab, we talk to dads every day who understand how important they are in their children’s lives and are taking legal steps to ensure they can remain involved. Some single moms may regard a father simply as a provider of child-support checks . . . but to a child, he’s much more than that.

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Sources

Fox, Greer L., Vey M. Nordquist, Rhett M. Billen, and Emily Furst Savoca. “Father Involvement and Early Intervention: Effects of Empowerment and Father Role Identity.” Family Relations Fam Relat 64.4 (2015): 461-75. University of Guelph, May 2007. Web. 2 Aug. 2016. <http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/29/Effects_of_Father_Involvement.pdf>.

Groth, Miles, PhD. “Hector’s Gesture: The Importance of the Father.” Psychology Today. Psychology Today, 14 June 2014. Web. 02 Aug. 2016. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/boys-men/201406/hectors-gesture-the-importance-the-father>.

Kruk, Edward, PhD. “Father Absence, Father Deficit, Father Hunger.” Psychology Today. Psychology Today, 23 May 2012. Web. 02 Aug. 2016. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201205/father-absence-father-deficit-father-hunger>.

Oliker, Ditta M., PhD. “The Importance of Fathers.” Psychology Today. Psychology Today, 23 June 2011. Web. 02 Aug. 2016. <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-long-reach-childhood/201106/the-importance-fathers>.

Rosenberg, Jeffrey, and W. Bradford Wilcox. “The Importance of Fathers In The Healthy Development of Children.” PsycEXTRA Dataset (n.d.): n. pag. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2006. Web. 2 Aug. 2016. <http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/fatherhood.pdf>.

Balancing Fatherhood and Work: 5 Tips for Dads

by HOMEDNA on 09/07/2015

There’s been plenty written about moms going back to work after having a child and the effects this has on the home, but achieving a healthy, effective family-career balance is just as important for dads as it is for moms.

Fathers, ditch the guilt-working is an important part of being a good dad!

We all have to work for a living, but remember we also get to work for a living! Recent psychological research from the University of Wisconsin-Madison suggests that playing both roles of worker and parent is extremely beneficial for adults’ mental, physical and relationship health. In fact, if we’re having more success at a given time with either parenting or career, it can buffer us from the negative effects of stress or not doing as well in the other (Novotney). And when dads are feeling good about themselves, the family benefits too!

Effective parenting means setting a good example in all aspects of life, including being responsible and dedicating time to your job. So how do you find that elusive sweet spot? How do you effectively divide the hours in your week between being a good dad and bringing in the bacon?

Our favorite 5 tips for balancing fatherhood and work

  1.  Put family on your calendar

You might have an extensive calendar at work, full of meetings, appointments, or places you need to be. In most of these cases, you wouldn’t dream of cancelling or rescheduling. Adopt the same philosophy and dedication to ‘showing up’ for your family. Create and put family activities on your calendar, then be there.

Years from now, your daughter will remember your ‘dates’ at the playground-just the two of you hanging out on the swings, talking. And your son will remember that he could always count on seeing you in the stands for his football games. It doesn’t have to be fancy or cost money. But this kind of involvement creates lasting memories and a legacy for generations. Kids remember that they were important enough to you that you gave them your time.

  1. Negotiate more work flexibility, if possible

There’s something super-special about an unexpected 3-day weekend. If possible, see if you can negotiate one week a month of working ‘four 10s,’ leaving either a Monday or Friday open for extra-relaxing family time. If you can swing this, be sure to dedicate that day off to being dad and making memories: one-on-one basketball games, visits to the library, cuddling and watching your child’s favorite movie on TV, or whatever you like to do together.

If you can do your work at home, consider a ‘third shift.’ Leave the workplace at 4:30. Enjoy a relaxed dinner with the family before the bedtime routine starts, and then log on to your computer later to do your last two hours of work.

  1. Pull your eyes away from those screens

 Even if you think you’re ‘there’ for your family, you may not be, really. Good parenting usually involves limiting screen-time for kids so that they can get outside and get physical or spend more time on homework, right? What dads may not realize is that they spend as much-if not more-time looking at screens each day, especially if their career involves working at a computer.

There are 168 hours in a week. If 50 are spent sleeping and 60 are spent at work, you have 58 hours each week to spend on enjoying the rest of your life, including your family (Parker). Dads who pull their eyes away from electronic screens and instead spend the majority of those available hours making true memories with their kids reap rewards that last a lifetime.

  1. No need to be a superhero: simplify your life

Dads don’t have to be superheroes to absolutely everyone! If free time is tight, reserve wearing the cape for your own family. Especially when your kids are young, balancing work and family may mean temporarily foregoing joining the office basketball league, improving your golf game on Saturday mornings or even catching up on that work project over the weekend.

Most employers admire dads who value their family  and take the time to nurture those relationships, especially if you are upfront about how important your kids are to you.

  1. Show equal passion

Commit to being as passionate about raising your children well as you are about earning a living. When you prioritize as equally as possible, the things that are most important to you, both in your job and in your family life,  naturally float to the top and the rest gets forgotten-you’ll realize those other things just don’t matter.

Remember, there aren’t any perfect dads and parenting is the hardest work you’ll ever do. If you fall short some weeks, cut yourself some slack and try again!

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter!If you have questions about paternity tests or other DNA testing services, please contact our  Client Support Center at 888-404-4363, Mon-Fri  from 9 AM to 6 PM Eastern Time. Our friendly, expert representatives are ready and happy to help. Get answers anytime by visiting our Help Center. 

Sources

Novotney, Amy. “Balancing Kids and Careers.” Http://www.apa.org. American Psychological Association, Oct. 2013. Web. 01 Sept. 2015. <http://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/10/balancing-kids.aspx>.

Behson, Scott, PhD. “Respecting the Rhythm of Work and Family – Fathers, Work and Family.” Fathers Work and Family. N.p., 12 Aug. 2015. Web. 01 Sept. 2015. <http://fathersworkandfamily.com/2015/08/12/respecting-the-rhythm-of-work-and-family/>.

 Parker, Wayne. “Simplifying Your Life.” About Parenting. About.com, n.d. Web. 01 Sept. 2015. <http://fatherhood.about.com/od/workingfathers/a/simplify.htm>.

 “10 Ways to Balance Work and Family Life – All Pro Dad.” All Pro Dad. All Pro Dad, 02 June 2010. Web. 01 Sept. 2015. <http://www.allprodad.com/10-ways-to-balance-work-and-family-life/>.  
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